this is how depression feels

well i can't tell you for sure i'm an insomniac out of knowhere but i haven't been sleeping lately. Except for when i fall asleep in the day. but i don't fall asleep at night and i don't wake up in the morning. it's a problem because school starts in two days😓 but as you may know from earlier posts i struggle with depression. the more research i have done in the past few days, the more it makes me realise how serious this mental illness is. it's not something i should be hiding. it's hard to come out with something like that- generally you don't want people to know what you are thinking when you look out of it. and they don't, even if they do 'know'- they can't completely understand unless they have the same experiences. but they know i'm depressed. thye know i'm not okay. that's enough to make it harder. but while I can't't sleep, i've been looking for ways to express myself artistically 🎨✨ so i came up with this. it's not exactly right, but it helps me to express the screaming and the emptiness inside. it helps me bring a voice to depression i don't have on my own. God has definitely been growing me in a lot of ways recently. i do think artistically is one of them. reminds me that God doesn't only grow our relationship with him and our faith, which is amazing and spectacular and exactly what we need to be doing, but he also grows us in ways that we need to survive the physical world. he's watching out for us in the physical world, not just the spiritual world. he's giving me the tools i need to express myself. geez I'm thankful for that 😅