LDC 2

Okay, so pretty much leadership development 2.0 was all about hands on experience. I got the chance to co-counsel for two weeks, each week with a different main counselor. Both taught me so much about talking to kids, managing a whole cabin full of rowdy girls, and being respected but also fun.

The first week I was counseling in Silver Maple with Mattea, who is really cool. I got to know her a lot better over the course of the week.

I came into LDC 2 super nervous. My CFAD (counselor for a day), otherwise known as "leech day", during LDC 1 I would not consider a success. I had quite a few panic moments, in which I asked myself, "what on earth am I doing here?"

But then something amazing happened. I prayed and God gave me a much needed heart change. I was doing it for him, and for the girls. And honestly... That was so exciting.

With that in mind, I was able to approach the week with more confidence. I found communication with Mattea to be key. Understanding what she wanted to do and when helped me understand a whole lot more than the simple day-to-day plans, but also helped me get a better grasp on this whole counseling idea.

Being in charge of nine silly, energetic, really fun little girls was a blessing. But also... really taxing physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually.

I really needed God's presence this first week. And every moment in life, of course, but I found myself seeking him a lot. Which is awesome, and I should do this every day. But sometimes I forget. I know that's crazy, but you know what, I'll save these ramblings for a different post. I could write a lot.

So, back toLDC 2.

I've tried to remain as transparent about stuff as possible with you guys, so I'm not gonna change that now.

My actual LDC 2  group was hard to adjust to. There were eighteen of us, which was already way different from my first group, which had only 13 people in it. We had a lot of bonding time to joke around and be serious, and that wasn't time crammed into days already full of memorizing and reciting verses and doing worksheets and spending time with campers. So we barely got to even talk to each other.

And then, of course, the LDC 1b group, my group, was in the minority.

The thing about LDC 1 is that there are two groups, 1a and 1b. But for LDC 2, they mix whoever passes from either of the first groups and gets into the second one. This meant that of the 18 of us, only 7 of us were from 1b. The other 11 were from 1a.

This may not seem like a big difference, but it was. Because they already knew and were comfortable with one another, we were the outsiders. For a few days, this made things somewhat awkward, at least in my mind.

And then the worst part of LDC 2 happened.

After all my campers went home (I surprised myself by having this heavy feeling as I said goodbye to these girls that I'd hung out with and gotten to know and care about for a whole week), I got this blasted cold.

So I took it upon myself to stay away from everyone else as best I could.

I figured everyone would realize I had a cold and that I didn't just not like them. I was constantly on a quest for tissues and was inhumanly obsessed with tea (okay, not really, I just had some every mealtime...). But somehow, I don't think that message got passed around. I think they thought I just really didn't like them. Or they didn't think anything of me at all.

I guess that was my mistake. Because I didn't really make much of an impression at all. I struggled with that a lot... not being totally "out there" and extroverted and popular. I was kind of in the middle of everything during 1b. This time, I was the quiet one in the corner. And I hated it.

So I brought it to God.

This definitely should not have been a second thought, but it was. I really needed a sip of humbleness and a glug of patience with my tea. Friendships take time and effort and they don't usually spring up overnight.

I still wouldn't say I got the chance or opportunity to get superbly close with anyone in my LDC 2 group. But I was able to give it to God and trust him with these new relationships. And I still am. I will hopefully see all of them, at least most of them, again, very soon.

In the meantime, I'd say I was able to work the most on my relationship with God.

Actually, I was struggling a lot, especially the second week. I want to be really honest on here, so I guess I'll tell you why.

My sister received a text message on Sunday that said my Grandpa wasn't doing well and was in the hospital. She didn't get a chance to talk to me until the next day before breakfast, when my campers would be arriving in a little over an hour.

I was glad she told me, but at the same time, I was already nervous for another week to start --- who knows, maybe these new campers would be super homesick or they'd just hate me or they'd be even crazier than my first cabin or extremely reserved or I simply wouldn't work well with Sylvia (who, trust me, was amazing, and I was honored to get to work with her, but I was still worried about it)... so many rising concerns. And then that got dumped on me. I had a mini meltdown, but I was supposed to go and meet Sylvia for breakfast, so I had to wipe up my tears and pretend like I was totally fine. I had to play that way all week, because I couldn't be weak for my campers. I tried my best to put on a good show.

To be honest, the week was distracted enough I didn't need to worry much. I prayed, of course, whenever I thought of my Grandpa, but I wasn't constantly dwelling on it, and I had no way of getting new intel except through Hannah(they don't allow phones for LDC 2) and she wasn't getting any new information, either.

After the second week, with some hard moments and some really amazing ones that I was extremely outstandingly blessed to be a part of(including an amazing check-in with a really sweet camper!), my mom and mty brother and sister came to pick me up.

I said my goodbyes to the group and, well, it was a lot less emotional than LDC 1. A lot more smiling and less tears. I can't tell you why, but on my part, I've matured somewhat since then. I was actually thinking for a hot minute there I'd make it out of camp without a tear.

But then my mom said my Grandpa died.

I've only ever gone into what my definition of 'shock' is a few times... freezing, the world passing around silently, feeling a little dizzy. Actually, one of those is a fun story, for another time. But this time was anything but fun.

So yeah, I had a little meltdown outside the dining hall, almost fainted(I think? I've never done that before, but I felt like blacking out?), and started sobbing in front of all my friends. Two of my really good friends from 1b came down to visit just for that afternoon, that moment. And they were all immediately there to comfort me. I have some amazing ones. I didn't think much about it then, but thinking back to it now, I feel really blessed that I wasn't sitting alone in a dark cabin reading a text message that said this or something. Instead, I was surrounded by some close friends that immediately hugged me, prayed over me, and started telling me God's truths.

So yeah. I had a hard time leaving camp that day, leaving Hannah there, too. I didn't really feel like much just then, but I definitely didn't want to be leaving her there.

It has been hard, but God has never left me once throughout it. You've probably (Maybe?) heard this story, but it came to mind and I'd like to share it with you.

One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

 Lol, sorry about this really long somewhat pointless ramblings. I'm very unfocused in my writing 😂

Some LDC 2 pictures!