feeling lonely...
Good morning!
I’m not even going to pretend I’m perfect and I’ve got this all figured out. I’m going to be real with you guys. Today has been rough. Yesterday, too. I don’t usually do stuff like this — waking up early and all that — I’m not an early bird, not even close, and most days I don’t even wake up to my alarm(who am I kidding, I never do). But yesterday afternoon, my older sister Hannah left for camp, where she’s going to be working full-time this summer. We’re really close, and having her graduate and leave all this last weekend was, well… rough.
So part of the reason I woke up so early this morning was to spend some much needed time with my Heavenly Father, who knows me better than I know myself.
I think having time alone with God to reorganize and reconstruct my perspective is super important.
The Bible camp I spend most of the summer volunteering at, the same one Hannah is working at, refers to this time alone with God as PQT’s, or personal quiet time. I’ll use this same term in my posts.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, it just feels good to talk out loud to God. To cry a little, or a lot, and tell God everything that’s weighing on your heart. That was the case for me this morning. It just felt good to let it out, because hey, God catches those thoughts and prayers and concerns and holds them close to his heart.
That’s why waking up early is crucial, because otherwise, my family might think I’ve gone batty, talking to myself(OK, you’ve got me, I do this all the time… but rarely out loud) Although, I love bats, so that’s not the worst thing ever… yeah, I’m totally random like this all the time. I told you it would be a bumpy ride {Insert crying emoji}
Anyway… I loved having this time this morning and I was able to be real with God out loud. I really needed that. I’m still upset and I still need time to work through everything — I’ll tell you what it is I need to work through in a bit — but I know God is here with me and that, despite how it feels, I’m not alone right now.
Okay, time to be raw. I guess how I’m feeling right now is… left behind. Most of my closest friends are at this camp right now. I love this camp so much, but I can’t be there, because, quite frankly, I’m not old enough. But all of my closest friends are older than me by a few years. This might be weird, but it’s the truth. And they can all be there right now together. I’ll be able to volunteer next week, but somehow, it doesn’t feel the same. I am missing out on like, 2 weeks of bonding time that they all have together(they had four days last week too). And I’m a crazy extrovert that thrives on people. I need people. And I hate feeling alone.
Ah, see where this comes around. This morning, I was reminded that I’m not alone, even if my best friend isn’t currently living with me at home. While I may have to face challenges of a lonely life here without her, I know I’m not alone. I have a Heavenly Father that’s holding my hand. And as a person with the physical touch as my love language, it can be hard to feel connected with God. This is probably most people, so if you’re a Christian, you have probably felt this at one time or another.
But I don’t need God to be with me physically to know he’s with me. Gosh, that would certainly be easier. But I’m not against a challenge either. I still want and need to know my Saviour personally.
I guess what my ramblings above are trying to say is that while I’m younger than most of my friends and am feeling isolated and separated from those I care about, I know that Jesus knows what I’m going through. And he won’t leave me behind.
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